Inkwell and becoming a "real" writer

Roughly six years ago, despite everything going on with my life, I somehow found my way back to writing.  Or more precisely, I found my way to finally developing a writing habit, something I always wanted to do, but never actively pursued meaningfully.

I was in hospital for psychiatric issues for the second time in six months.  Both my parents had recently passed within a year of each other. I had been 24/7 caregiver to my bedbound, terminally ill mother. I was fired from a job I’d only had for three months because of my mental illness.  I was becoming paranoid that people were plotting against me.  I was out of money.  I had no family.  Leaving the apartment was all but impossible. 

In hospital my meds were adjusted; therapy was increased.  When I left hospital the second time, it was clear that to continue to improve I had to have something to do every day that involved leaving the house.  My social worker and I came up with a variety of peer related activities that were free and would get me out and about everyday of the week. 

One of them was an organization called Inkwell Workshops.  They offered writing for people with lived and living experience with mental health and addiction issues.  The idea of getting together with a group of peers for writing appealed to me, enough for me to over come my fears of going.  I was nervous to meet new people, still trying to overcome a period of intense paranoia about what people, strangers, friends, everyone, thought of me.

Overcoming this fear was pushed by the fact that I had always wanted to be a writer.  I talked about writing all the time, even writing 50k words every November over the previous eight years for National Novel Writing Month.  Yet outside of November I never wrote.  And I never did anything with the “novels” I wrote in November, never editing, or even reading.  The excuse was that I didn’t have time.  At one point I even took a job that was only four days a week, saying that my day off would be strictly for writing.  Yet I still never wrote.

Summoning all my courage I went to my first write-in with Inkwell, hosted by the founder and professional author Kathy Friedman.  It was wonderful.  I didn’t feel weird or strange, or that anyone there was weird or strange.  I felt like we were all writers.  We were provided prompts, wrote in sprints, and then read our work out loud to the group.  Everyone’s writing was beautiful.  I was inspired, even enjoying my own writing.  I felt like something was opening inside of me, something that had been locked away for too long, never being given the chance to come out.

The next weekly meeting of Inkwell was unfortunately cancelled.  Then they were all cancelled.  It was April 2020 and the Covid lock-down had begun.  It was devastating to me, despite only going once.  I had dreams that Inkwell would be the inspiration I need to finally truly start writing, to finally healing a part of myself that had always been silenced and broken.  This was also supposed to get me out of the house, something I desperately needed for my mental health.  Now I was forced to stay home with nothing and no one. 

Thankfully, after only a few weeks, Inkwell began to run virtual write-ins.  It was something to look forward to in a time when the days were running together.

In 2022 I applied for and was awarded the Reinhilde Cammaert Memorial Writing Scholarship through Inkwell Workshops to work on my memoir.  This involved working closely with David James Brock, a professional writer, over the course of four months, submitting 20 pages of new work every month to be reviewed.  I would then receive written feedback with an hour-long virtual meeting.  The work over those four months was incredible.  I was pushed, I was encouraged to expand my writing, pointing out what was working and what wasn’t.  It allowed me to become a better and more confident writer.  To this day I still use those lessons for all my writing and editing.  I will always be thankful for that amazing opportunity.

I continue to attend weekly Inkwell Workshops through the Collaborative Learning College at CAMH, currently hosted by published author Maya Ameyaw.  Even though I now have an established writing practice, I continue to attend these Inkwell writing sessions.  The prompts, mentors, and peer sharing continues to be important, inspiring, and motivating to keep my pen moving and to always write.